In many homeowners’ associations, frustration is lurking just below the surface, waiting to explode into anger. Frustration is the result of unfulfilled expectations. These expectations can be reasonable or unreasonable, mature or immature. Mature expectations are thoughtful considerations colored by fairness. These folks will generally resolve their issues in a win-win fashion. Immature expectations are unbalanced and summarized by the philosophy we’ll call “MINE!” MINE! thinking generally permeates those who delight in, for example:

* Parking in someone else’s reserved spot
* Allowing their dog to bark incessantly
* Planting in the common area
* Generally irritating the neighbors
* Don’t believe the rules apply to them
* Wanting quick enforcement on others

While “MINE!ors” aren’t plentiful, they do tend to take a disproportionate amount of time to deal with, and you can’t ignore them because they’ll only throw a bigger fit.

With MINE!ors there is a parent-child relationship at work, and there is precious little logic behind their actions and anger. MINE! is a territorial imperative…a wall of defense built out of fear. It’s reactionary and intense. For the MINE!or, facts and information are extraneous. When dealing with one, the main response should be reassurance. Responses like “I understand,” “We won’t do anything without polling all the owners” and “We are getting expert counsel before we decide” are all calming responses.

There are several other techniques for resolving MINE!or differences:

* Allow the MINE!or to vent without interruption.
* Respond without anger. Don’t fuel the fire.
* Apologize without taking the blame: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
* Empathize: “I’ve felt that way myself.”
* Ask questions and solicit solutions.
* If you can resolve the issue, say how and when it will happen.
* Confirm that your solution is acceptable.
* End the conversation cordially and thank them.
* And beat a hasty retreat.

Sometimes the manager gets blamed for issues that are rightly the board’s due to lack of policy and procedure. When that happens, the manager should advise the board in writing (copy to owner) and ask for a decision at the next board meeting (or as soon as possible if urgent). Advise the owner of the right to address the board in person.

A final tip: Some MINE!ors resort to abusive behavior like screaming, swearing and physical violence. MINE!ors often vent during the cocktail hour and tend to disrupt a happy home. Never deal with someone who is clearly out of control. As a general rule, board members should not take phone calls directly about association business unless it’s an emergency.

If you don’t have a manager to intercept such calls, consider getting an association phone line with caller ID, voice mail and message notification options. Prescreening the calls will determine whether to respond immediately or later. This process will cool MINE!ors who want a response NOW!

Coping with MINE!ors is an infrequent yet demanding task. Ignoring them will only increase their intensity. Be patient…be calm…be consistent. MINE!ors respect a firm yet gentle hand.

Excerpts from an article by Beth A. Grimm, Esq.

Sidebar- Forgive & Forget
Basic human nature causes us all to offend others from time to time. Sometimes it’s done unintentionally while other times it’s with malice and forethought. But regardless of intent, if we are to coexist in peace, making amends is essential. Here are seven “A’s” to go about it:

Address everyone involved. If your offense was perpetrated in a group setting, you should make amends to everyone that was there, both the target and the audience. The audience part is important because onlookers may not have been personally offended but may carry the impression that you’re a jerk until you disabuse them of the notion.

Avoid if, but and maybe. Don’t rationalize what you did. (“You made me mad”). Take responsibility for your actions.

Admit specifically. Say that you lost your temper, you misunderstood or whatever it was that triggered your inappropriate behavior.

Acknowledge the hurt. Admit that damage was done.

Accept the consequences. If there is something that needs to be restored (stolen, broken, etc.), restore it and pay the price.

Alter your behavior. Promise to do better in the future.

Ask for forgiveness. This may be the toughest part because you may not get the forgiveness you ask for. You can’t control the response but you can control your desire for it. Expect the worst and hope for the best. Accept whatever response you get. Either way, it doesn’t change your part of the process.

Forgiveness is a life-changing event for those that forgive and for those that ask for it. We’re all guilty of offending our neighbor. Forgive, forget and be set free.

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Author : Richard Thompson
Company : Regenesis.net
Richard L. Thompson of Regenesis.net is the nationally recognized HOA expert. Article reprinted with permission of Regenesis.net.

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